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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.