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When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
I drink because people talk.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.