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Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?