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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
"I’m not drunk!” is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?