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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Hello is this HP? Iād like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Bacon...need I say more
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.