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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Just saw a commercial for weight gainer pills. Have the people with this "problem" not heard of pizza and alcohol?
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.