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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
is ready to have one too many!
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.