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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.