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Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.