Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
Please pay me in cash. I`m not trying to hide money from the IRS, I`m trying to hide it from the MRS.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!