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The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
Trust me, I am a liar.
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?