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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
I drink to make other people interesting
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.