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Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks