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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Happy 4th of July ! ... It`s a holiday. You know what that means... Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.
My whole life is based on a true story...