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I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.