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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.