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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?