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How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...