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I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!