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Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
´s status message is better than yours
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.