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Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.