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I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
I dare you to spit on this status.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?