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"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!
Reincarnation is my only hope.