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If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.