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Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.