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If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.