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I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.