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In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
a lady at the grocery store asked me, "How do I know you?"...to which I replied, "You must watch a lot of porn".
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.