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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Survival rule #1: Don`t go first.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.