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First fart at my new job.
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
Today`s subliminal thought is: …
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out