Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty