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Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
Carfax but for people
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.