Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?