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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."