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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
I wish my kids came with a handbook.... Hardcover, preferably. So I have something to hit them with.
I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.