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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.
Iām over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.