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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.