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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs