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If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.