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iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
Iām not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
Why the hell isn`t the iphone`s battery life called "Apple Juice."
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.