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Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.