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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!