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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
Carfax but for people
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.