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In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but Iām going to be too busy sitting on mine
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D