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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.