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That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?