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I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?