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liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
I just threw up my weekend.
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.