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The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
I`m changing my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts, and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.