Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."