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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.