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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
Iām not brave. Iām just past the age where running is an option.
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug