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You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
I wonder if strippers have nightmares about accidentally going to work fully clothed?
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.