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Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that Iād have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!