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The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.