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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?