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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver