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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
I have Beer.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`