Daily Silly Status

3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight

Remember when double entry was an accounting term?

I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.

I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.

Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?

H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.

If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??

If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?

Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it

If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.

Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.

My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."

I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.

My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.

I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.