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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.