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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...