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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come