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I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
FYI: Push-up bras don`t actually help you do more push-ups :(
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?