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My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.