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I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
exercise........you mean extra fries
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..