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I drink to make other people interesting
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.