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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.